


I promise

by sulima



Series: Promises [1]
Category: Wonder Woman (Movies - Jenkins)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:07:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29109786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sulima/pseuds/sulima
Summary: Set after WW84. Diana finds Barbara and they have a much needed chat.
Relationships: Diana (Wonder Woman)/Barbara Minerva
Series: Promises [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2140662
Comments: 21
Kudos: 114





	I promise

Diana stands still near the edge of the cliff. In spite of the winter cold temperatures, she feels comfortable watching the moon reflected over the waves, the few thin clouds that wander between them coated in silver. 

The ruffling of the leaves behind her brings a sad smile to her lips. There is no breeze. It can only mean one thing. It is time to make amends.

"Come out, Barbara. I haven’t come to hurt you." A derisive snort is the only reply. It is to be expected, after all. "I am not here to fight but I won't leave until we talk."

She sits down, legs hanging over the edge, hands clasped on the rocks. How long ago and far away are the memories of her youth, sitting like this, looking over the borders of Themyscira, wondering what was hiding over the clouds. Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined a world like the one she inhabits now.

"Then why did you come?" 

It is low and angry, but it is a reply.

"To talk.” _To confess._ She laughs softly. “I'd rather be doing this in a restaurant, over some glasses of wine, like we used to do, but this sight is really nice too. Would you like to sit with me?"

She twists to one side and looks over her shoulder towards the trees and bushes where Barbara is hiding. It doesn’t look like she is ready to come out. _Patience, then._ She returns her gaze to the open sea before her.

“I don’t trust you.” A mixture of relief and pain washes over her. Barbara is talking but the words hurt. She lowers her head. Can she blame her? Of course not.

“I know.” She shakes her head to keep the memories from absorbing her thoughts. “I understand.” 

“HA!” The laughter is rough and harsh. “You understand? Of course, perfect-fucking Diana understands EVERYTHING.”

Diana looks up to the sky. Two small flashing dots cross, ever so slowly, the darkness above. Will there be a time when planes don’t remind her of Steve? She knows she is doing the right thing when the old pain does not appear and only a warm blanket of nostalgia covers her. She has mourned for almost 7 decades. It has been long enough.

Diana doesn’t reply or acknowledge Barbara’s insults. They are born of anger and Barbara needs to be empty of them before she can reach her.

“Wouldn’t you be more comfortable here, in the open?” she says, instead. She wants to see her.

“Why? So you can hit me better?”

“I told you, I’m not here to hurt you.”

“You already did enough of it.”

Diana scoffs, turning her head again to look at the trees behind her. “I was defending myself from your attacks!”

“Before the stone.”

The silence that surrounds them is loud. 

Diana stands up and steps closer to the trees but stops halfway. A boulder rests to her side, and she sits on it, facing the trees. She folds her hands on her lap, carefully choosing her next words.

“I know it is very difficult for you to believe anything I say, Barbara. But just as you can’t let a physical wound go untreated to avoid infection, I cannot leave this wound open between us. We are hurting, both of us, and we need to let everything out if there is any chance for us to feel better. So, please, talk to me. Tell me what happened, what went wrong. Please, don’t close yourself from me.”

A brushing sound comes from a tree some meters away. “You are always so full of hope and nice words. Do you really believe you can convince me like you convinced all the other fools to give up their wishes? Do you really think it is enough to solve our problems and make the world a better place?”

Barbara’s voice has softened and it is the chance she has been waiting for.

She stands up again and walks silently to the tree. She sits down, her back to the trunk, her muscles tense as she waits for Barbara to acknowledge the proximity or to run away. Neither comes, and she lets her breath out slowly.

“I don’t know if it is enough. I only know it is better than hiding away and hoping for a miracle.”

If Barbara reacts to being so close together, she doesn’t show any signs. Diana knows she must open herself bare to get Barbara to doing the same, but after so many years, vulnerability is not her strong suit.

“I am not asking something easy from you, Barbara, I know that. I am trying to be open to you, just as I am asking you to be. I know it feels scary.”

“Yes, very brave of you to come when you know you can’t be hurt.” The disdain is crystal clear in her voice.

“You are so wrong.” She looks up, again, searching the sky, looking for comfort in Steve’s last words. 

She takes off her bracelets and her helmet and lays them on the grass, next to Barbara. 

“What are you doing?” She doesn’t see but feels Barbara recoiling from her armor.

“I might be more powerful than you in a physical fight, but you can hurt me deeply with your words. I cannot show you my emotional vulnerability, so… here’s my armor. I don’t want it. Not with you.”

Barbara is silent. Her breathing is deep and uneven. She pushes some more.

“The first day we met, I thought you were so endearing-“

“Clumsy, Diana. That’s the proper word.”

Diana lets her head rest against the trunk and a lazy smile crosses her lips before she closes her eyes. “No, you were endearing. So eager to connect, so full of life and light.”

Diana opens her eyes when she hears a grunt only to see Barbara striding towards the cliff, hugging herself.

She hasn’t seen her since their last battle, when she had lain, electrocuted and weak, on the ground near the bunker. She is back to her full human form. Her wavy blonde hair shines under the moonlight and Diana aches to have her turn around, to see her face, to stare again into those open and trustful eyes.

But Barbara keeps walking and stops at the edge where she has been sitting just minutes ago. She lowers her head, then crouches and after sliding her hands through her hair sends a shout to the open sea.

Diana sits up. Should she go over to her?

“Stop patronizing me!” Barbara kneels on the ground and with a closed fist punches the ground at each sentence. “Stop pretending you cared! Stop making it look like I mattered!”

Diana doesn’t doubt anymore. She doesn’t even think. She just rushes to Barbara’s side, taking her fist into her hand, stopping her from hitting the harsh ground one more time. Barbara doesn’t even try to move again. She is hunched, breathing hard through clenched teeth. 

Barbara’s hand feels cold and sticky in her own. It is covered in dirt, with the knuckles scrapped and bleeding from the hits. Diana caresses the hand, trying to push the dirt away. She blows on it and lays a kiss near the wrist.

Barbara jerks the hand away. “I said stop it!”

The Barbara she has in front of her now is so different from the sweet woman she met some days ago in the museum. She is different from the strong woman that faced her in the White House, too. This one is lost, hurt, desperate.

Her chest hurts when she sees the tear streaks, old and new, crossing Barbara’s cheeks; her red puffy eyes, so clear in the moonlight. But this is progress and this pain has to go before anything can heal.

“I can’t stop caring”, she whispers.

Barbara brings her hands to her ears. “Stop!”

Diana takes her by her forearms and brings them down, gently.

“I have never stopped caring, Barbara.”

Barbara closes her eyes and throws her head back before letting another long cry shatter the silence of the night. She then slumps forward, falling in a heap before Diana. She hugs her, rocking her and whispering shushing sounds as sobs wrack her body.

Diana holds her close and vows to devout her shared time with Barbara to make her forget this pain, to make her believe in her, to make her feel as worthy as she is, as she has always been.

Barbara cries for a long time. How many emotions she had bottled up inside to make her pour so much anguish. When Diana realizes she has stopped crying is when her body slumps against her. She turns Barbara slowly and sees she has passed out. Her brow still furrowed and her breath stuttering. 

Diana lays a kiss on her forehead and caresses away the tears that remain on her cheeks. She cradles her and lifts her in her arms, taking her away from the cliff and closer to the boulder. She lays her down on a patch of grass and decides to lie next to her, to protect her from the cold.

It isn’t long before Barbara wakes up.

She sits up and brings her hands to her temples. “Ouch”.

“Headache?”

“Yeah.” Her voice is raspy, a mix of rawness and sleep.

“Let me help.” Diana doesn’t wait for a reply lest it be negative. She sits up and behind Barbara and starts kneading her shoulders and neck, easing the tension there, and then up her head and to her temples. Barbara must be quite disoriented because she feels her sigh and relax to the touch.

She is happy in that moment, finally being able to ease some of the pain, even if only physical. 

Then Barbara clears her throat and sits forward, getting softly away from Diana’s touch. Diana’s fingertips tremble, missing the woman’s skin under them immediately.

“Thanks.” Barbara doesn’t even turn around to look at her. 

“Are you alright?” Diana cringes at her own question. Of course she is not.

“I will be.” She still doesn’t look at her, but the harshness is gone. Barbara hugs her knees and she seems so small… “You don’t need to worry about me. I am not a threat to anyone.”

Diana sighs and shakes her head. “I’m not here to check on your powers. I’m here to check on you.” 

“Yes, well, as I said, I will be fine.” Barbara stands up but doesn’t move further away.

Diana feels the frustration rise in her. She can stand the anger, she can stand all the fury she may very well deserve after everything, but she cannot stand the lies, much less when they are so obvious.

“You know?”, she starts, ignoring the small voice telling her to keep calm, “I can’t for the life of me understand why you would wish something so stupid as to be like me. How could you have been so blind and how could you have ignored me so… blatantly when I specifically told you my life wasn’t perfect!”

At least that gets her to turn around and look at her. Barbara shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know, Diana. Maybe because you were gorgeous and everyone kissed the floor you walked on and I was completely invisible?” Sarcasm dripped from every word.

“You had just arrived! You didn’t even give people the time to meet you!”

“In what world was anybody going to see me, Diana?! I spent YEARS studying and working and proving myself. All for nothing!”

“I saw you! I saw you without the need of any stone!”

“And you left me at the first chance you got! Even a dead man was better than me!”

The air leaves her lungs in a heaving breath and the ground seems to move under her feet. All her fight dissipates as does the echo of Barbara’s words in the ocean. 

Barbara rubs her eyes, angrily drying her tears on her sleeves. “I’m so fucking tired of this!” She looks up, and it is clear she is steeling herself to keep talking. Her mouth is pressed shut but her lower lip wobbles and trembles with new sadness. “I thought we had connected, you know? I thought you really saw something interesting in me. I fell for you sooo fast…” the self-deprecation is painful to listen to, but listen she must. “You showed interest in my work, you showed interest in me, you saved me from that drunk!” A small laughter bubbles up inside her and mixes with the stutters from the tears. “You were a knight in shining armor, Diana. My knight.” 

She looks forlorn and knowing she is the cause of that is tearing at her insides. But isn’t this what she came to hear? Was she not begging Barbara to open up like this not even an hour ago? She puts a name to this feeling: guilt. Raw and burning guilt cursing though her veins.

“And then he appeared. And I understood, Diana. I am not stupid after all.” Diana remembers all too well, how everything and everyone had faded away once Steve appeared as a miracle. Such a long time wishing upon every shooting star for a last chance to talk to him, to kiss him, to hold him. And then, there he was. In the flesh. Not his, but it WAS him.

“I saw it clearly. It was not me, but the stone what you were after. Just like everyone else who approached me, it is never me, it is always something else.” Diana opens her mouth to speak but words fail her. “But I wanted you for you, you know? I saw in you a strong woman, intelligent, smart, with such confidence. And everybody’s eyes followed you wherever you went. And when you ditched me I wanted that. I wanted to be wanted, for once. So I made a mistake.” She lifts her arms as her tone and anger had risen too. “BIG. FUCKING. SORRY.”

Diana takes a step closer to Barbara, then another, and she falls to her knees in front of her, bruising her knees with small pebbles and being healed immediately. “No. Barbara, please, it wasn’t like that. Not at all.”

Barbara looks down on her. She snorts and rubs her face again. 

“I’m sorry for all the pain. I wish I could have acted differently and avoided you all the suffering, but-“

“Enough!” Barbara’s voice is firm, powerful. Her jaw twitches. “I may have given up on my wish, but I have learned what I want and what I will not tolerate anymore, Diana. I will not be your second choice. You’re here only because you had to give him up. Tough luck. Now pack your words and lies and get out of here.”

Barbara turns around once more to head towards the trees and Diana is left on the ground. A burning starts in the pit of her stomach as only one question repeats itself once and again: And what could I have done?

The anguish from seeing Steve die the first time, just an orange explosion in a night sky. The remorse of never having a goodbye, of never making amends after their fight. The loneliness of those many years, decades, gone by without allowing any other human close to her. The relief of having Steve back in her life, the chance to make everything alright again. The despair of realizing she would have to lose him once more. What could she have done with all of that?

The liveliness in Barbara’s voice. The eagerness in her eyes. The intelligence and sensitivity in her soul. Her lack of malice, her shyness, her openness. The horrible fear of getting attached and having to lose it all again. What could she have done with all of that?

And she is exhausted, too. She is in turmoil, and angry, and wants to cry, but damn it! At least she is trying! Doesn’t that account for something?!

“Stop!” Her voice is a roar that freezes Barbara mid-step. And before she has time to turn, Diana has already walked fiercely to her, and she puts a hand over her shoulders and pushes her back to the trunk of the same tree she has used to hide before. Barbara struggles, but Diana is strong and holds her firmly against the tree. She lifts the lasso from her hip and swiftly surrounds Barbara with it.

“What is this? What are you doing?” Barbara struggles, fierce but clearly afraid.

Diana takes a step back. “It is the Lasso of Hestia. It compels you to say the truth.” Barbara pushes against the cord, unsuccessfully. “The more you fight, the more it burns. You cannot avoid it.” 

Barbara’s eyes widen when Diana picks one end of the lasso and rolls it around her own forearm.

“What are you doing?” Barbara asks again, now more confused than afraid.

“I don’t lie, but you don’t believe me, so this is my proof.” She pulls the lasso to tighten it around her arm and it shines a bright yellow. The hue casts its light on Barbara’s face, illuminating it, making her hair golden and filling her eyes with shimmering spots, like stars reflected in the ocean. “You are so beautiful…” Barbara’s eyes widening and her mouth hanging slightly open make her realize she said it out loud. The lasso works effectively on her.

Diana clears her throat and begins to talk. “I met Steve-“

“I don’t want to hear it!” Barbara closes her eyes and turns her head.

Diana puts her free hand on her chin and makes her look at her. “You have to! You are carrying a pain inside that doesn’t belong to you, and you have to listen to me. I listened to you, now give me my chance!” Barbara shuts her mouth and stares indignantly at her, but it seems she won’t be interrupted anymore.

“I met Steve in 1918, during the first World War. He was brave and kind and fair and we fell in love. He was the first man I met and the last man I loved.” Oh gods, she hasn’t counted on the lasso not letting her lie to herself. The full force of her feelings hits her, without any possibility of tapping them down. A long wailing cry leaves her lips and leaves her panting before she can continue. “I have loved him for 70 years, and ever since he died I have carried inside me this horrible pain, because we fought and said horrible things, and then he sacrificed himself, and I couldn’t tell him how sorry I was for what I said, how much I really cared for him.” She stops and pants some more and tries to swallow, but the lasso burns and pushes, pulling the words out of her. “So yes. When I saw him, I forgot about the rest of the world. I threw myself to this dream come true. And then it vanished. Worse. I had to give him up. I had to be the one to make him go away. It felt like I was the one killing him again.” Her throat hurts. She chokes on her own tears, but the lasso forces her to push forward and keep talking. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I made you feel you didn’t matter.” Her free hand goes to Barbara’s shoulder. “You were the first person who made me wonder if I should try it again. The connection you felt was real. I want to be with you but I am terrified of hurting this much again!” Her eyes sting from the tears, and she closes them, letting go of the lasso and falling to her knees, wrecking sobs rocking her body. 

She doesn’t know how long she stays on the ground crying. She is only aware of the crushing fear of having to go through that pain again. Loving someone is, oh, so beautiful, but having that someone torn away… Maybe this was a mistake and she should go back to the museum and drown in her work and forget her heart beats and ignore it when it hurts. Maybe she can numb herself again and flee if she gets too close to someone. Yes, numbness feels so attractive…

She is surrounded by darkness, more like nothingness. She floats there, peaceful at last.

_Diana_

She looks around and far away seems to be a ray of light. Someone is in it. She tries to approach them but it is like walking in waist-high mud. 

The light disappears.

_Diana_

She opens her eyes again and is startled to see Steve lying next to her, propped on one elbow, smiling both with his mouth and his eyes. 

“Promise me”, he says.

“Promise you what?” She is calm and content. 

“That you’ll love again.” He is so matter-of-fact. As if this prospect didn’t crush her.

“I thought I could, but I am too scared. I’m terrified.”

“But Diana,” he replies, happy as ever, “that’s what makes it worthwhile.”

_Diana_

He starts laughing and it’s contagious. He lies down and the light illuminating his face flickers, and his hair isn’t short, it’s long. And it isn’t brown, it’s blond. And his eyes aren’t blue but brown. And his jaw softens and his skin tightens. And now it’s Barbara laughing next to her.

And she turns on her side and looks tenderly at her and Diana is transfixed. Barbara opens her mouth and…

_Diana_

She wakes up startled.

“Diana! Come on, Diana, wake up!” She can hardly get her bearings. She groans and lifts her head from the ground. 

Big mistake. A huge rush of pressure comes and leaves her with a terrible headache. Aftereffects of the lasso.

“Oh, thank God, Diana!” She registers then Barbara’s voice. She pushes herself to stand up. “Are you alright?”

She doesn’t open her eyes. “I will be. The headache, you know.”

“Yes, I know.” Barbara’s voice is calmer now. “Ehm… could you untie me?”

That makes her open her eyes fast. Barbara is still tied to the tree trunk, the golden glow of the lasso illuminating her like a Christmas Tree. Diana mentally kicks herself and rushes to untie the knot that holds the other woman prisoner. “I’m sorry. I passed out. I didn’t mean to leave you stuck like that.”

“Shhh, it’s okay.” Barbara puts a cold hand on her forearm. 

_Promise me._

Diana looks down at her hand and then up to her face. The anger has gone away. Something way more peaceful rests in her eyes now.

_Promise me._

“I get it, now”, Barbara says. She looks down. When she looks up, Diana can’t tell if her cheeks are pinkish or not. The moon has already set. “I was too self-centered to realize it was true and that you had your own demons to fight.”

A wave of relief floods her and a tired but honest smile pulls at her lips.

_Promise me._

“I hear you, Diana. I understand your fears after what has happened.” She knows her eyebrows must be so high on her forehead they must be joining her hairline. “Don’t look at me like that. You were the one who used the lasso on me!”

Of course. Just as she could not lie to herself anymore, neither could Barbara.

“You are in no shape to be in a relationship right now, Diana.”

That hurts. After everything? “But-“

A slender finger on her lips silences her. It is bold and she likes it. “N-no buts.” The pressure on her lips falters. Even Barbara is surprised. She clears her throat. “You need to overcome your fears and it won’t happen overnight. And I need to trust you. I need to see your actions matching your words.” The finger leaves her lips. “I know you speak the truth, but I need to feel you can deliver on your words. Do you understand?”

_Promise me._

Diana nods. It is more than what she hoped to achieve. 

She lunges forward and surrounds Barbara with her arms, hugging her close, feeling her body against her own, feeling her tense up and slowly relax into the affection. 

When they break the hug, she looks back over the ocean. The first rays of sunlight are breaking over the horizon.

_I promise._

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here we go, first time posting a fanfic, don't be too cruel but let me know what you think of it. All mistakes are mine.
> 
> If the muses don't get mad at me, this is supposed to be the first part of a trilogy, but no idea of when the next part will be posted. Let's hope it's soon enough!
> 
> Many very special thanks to my writing buddy extraordinaire, the best buddy I could ever have desired, Winterfellstark. If you haven't yet, go check her stories, they are awesome, just like she is. Thank you, as always, buddy, for your encouragement, your help, your beta reading and your cheerleading abilities that, look!, got me to finally post something here. 
> 
> Enjoy!


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